American soccer has breached a new height in popularity last week, following Timber Joey’s passion and devotion to show what the beautiful game truly is about.

So, of course, we thought soccer is just a sissy sport the British invented, consisting of 22 ladies diving around the pitch hoping to obtain things known as free-kicks and penalties, so the game won’t end 0-0. But oh dear, did the Portland Timbers’ mascot prove us wrong!

YES! CAAARVE! PLAAAGUE! SCAAR! STAAAB! By annihilating that treacherous log, good ol’ Timber Joey showed us that soccer can also mean pain, virility, fighting for righteousness and eventually, HELL YEAH, blood.. or oh well, sawdust. Now, are you askin’ me about the result of that game? ARE YOU KIDDIN’ ME? Timbers grubbed out Chicago!