Billy Crystal

Billy Crystal, photo from Dailyslick

Billy Crystal made the Oscars telecast must-see TV throughout 1990s, and now he will be back to host the prestigious ceremony for the ninth time. Let’s cross our fingers and hope that he will introduce 2012’s biggest movies with one of his beloved song-and-dance numbers. You don’t know what we’re talking about? Take a look below!

Because Eddie Murphy was first appointed to host this year’s Academy Awards, we thought Crystal was unfairly robbed of precious prepping time. So we decided to give him a hand and write his lyrics. Here we go.

It’s a wonderful night for Oscar, Oscar, Oscar,
Who will win?

The nominees for Best Picture are:

Moneyball, Moneyball!
Everyone hearts baseball,
And when math meets sport
To cheap players we resort,
‘Cause Seth from Superbad got smart,
Too bad he’s still… a little bit fat.
True story.

[speaking] You know long movies seem to be back, yes? [/speaking]

The Tree of Life was a success,
Although it ran in excess,
The Descendants was close,
Haven’t seen it? Your loss!

[whispering] Spoiler alert: it’s about a woman crazy enough to cheat on George Clooney. Outrageous! [/whispering]

The Artist! The Artist!
Where a dog steals the spotlight and no one should speak,
If it was only with women it would be truly unique!
No 3D format, not a special effect,
It’s a miracle people didn’t think it was  wrecked!

Woody spends Midnight in Paris,
It’s good he couldn’t make it tonight,
As he would have watched with sadness
How someone else takes home his prize in plain sight. Again!

War Horse! War Horse! What a great score!
Based on a book about a horse and a war,
Joey and Albert have an awesome rapport,
They share a bromance you just can’t ignore.

The Help was also a book at first
About secrets and maids, and journalism of some sorts.
The movie though a tiny bit long,
We heard lots about toilets, but it was hard to reach one!

We’ll say this once, so you should listen,
Hugo is not just a tale for small children!
A charming story with lots of mystery,
You should watch it with the entire family.
Extremely Loud we can safely expose:
It will bring you Incredibly Close!

Thank you, we got a great show for you tonight!

So that’s a wrap Billy Crystal! Looking forward to seeing what you have prepared for Sunday night.