We all have that one friend who’s so woke they practically glow in the dark. They’re on the frontlines of every social justice cause, armed with hashtags, petitions, and reusable water bottles. But beneath that virtuous veneer, even the wokest of warriors aren’t immune to cognitive dissonance—those pesky little mental conflicts that make life a bit more interesting (and ironic). Here are seven ways your woke friend might be wrestling with their own contradictions.

1. Tech Industry Takedown vs. Touchscreen Addiction

Your woke friend loves to bash big tech. They’ll passionately rant about privacy breaches, data exploitation, and how tech giants treat their workers like sentient cogs in a money-making machine. But wait—didn’t they just order the latest smartphone? And weren’t they the first to post about it on social media? The struggle between standing up to unethical tech practices and their dependency on those same tech products is real.

2. Feminism vs. Fabulous Traditions

Your friend’s feminism game is strong. They reject traditional gender roles and champion equality like a pro. But every so often, you catch them indulging in activities that align with those very traditions they critique. Maybe they adore planning elaborate weddings or enjoy being pampered in ways that would make the 1950s blush. The tension between dismantling gender norms and living a little fabulously traditional life is a contradiction they’ll never admit to.

3. Cancel Culture Crusader vs. Second Chances

Cancel culture? They’re all for it. Hold people accountable, make them face the consequences, and don’t let anyone off the hook—especially if they’re famous. But on the flip side, your friend also believes in personal growth, rehabilitation, and the power of second chances. So, when their favorite artist gets canceled, watch as they squirm, trying to reconcile their two beliefs. Spoiler: It’s not easy being woke when your playlist betrays you.

4. Supporting Mental Health Awareness vs. Hustle Culture

Your woke friend is a strong advocate for mental health awareness. They’ll talk about the importance of self-care, reducing stigma, and seeking balance. But that’s where the dissonance kicks in—they’re also all about that hustle culture. You’ll catch them working late, juggling side gigs, and pushing through burnout. The irony? They’re probably advocating for mental health while simultaneously neglecting their own.

5. Sustainability vs. Fashion Frenzy

Saving the planet? That’s their thing. They’ll preach about reducing waste, buying eco-friendly products, and supporting sustainable brands. But they also can’t resist the allure of a trendy fast fashion haul. It’s like clockwork—one minute, they’re lecturing you on the evils of microplastics; the next, they’re unboxing yet another package from a not-so-eco-conscious brand. The temptation of a new wardrobe might just be stronger than their eco-resolve.

6. Global Empathy vs. Local Priorities

Your woke friend has a heart that bleeds for every global cause. They’re all about fighting for human rights, supporting marginalized communities, and donating to worldwide charities. Yet when it comes to issues that directly affect them, suddenly those global concerns take a backseat. Their focus shifts from saving the world to handling local dilemmas—like that coffee shop down the street that no longer serves oat milk. The dissonance between global empathy and local priorities can be… complicated.

7. Free Speech vs. Deplatforming Dilemmas

Your woke friend is all about free speech—until someone says something they don’t agree with. Then, it’s time to deplatform, cancel, and silence. They believe in the right to express diverse opinions, but also think some opinions just shouldn’t exist (or at least, shouldn’t be heard). Balancing their belief in free speech with their desire to shut down harmful speech is like walking a tightrope—one misstep, and down goes the consistency.

Let’s face it, even the most woke among us aren’t immune to cognitive dissonance. In fact, it might be a sign of just how human they really are. So next time your woke friend contradicts themselves, gently remind them that nobody’s perfect. After all, being woke isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about constantly questioning and growing, even if that means tripping over your own principles along the way.